


Touch-Starved

by Maraculate



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Domino's - Freeform, F/F, Hugs, I am not projecting, I swear, Jeremy is soft in this, M/M, SINnamon roll, and a bit depressed, but also sassy, lots of hugs, okay I am, soft, you'll see - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-01
Updated: 2018-09-01
Packaged: 2019-07-05 07:05:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15858660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maraculate/pseuds/Maraculate
Summary: Jeremy wasn't sure why getting hugged made him feel so elated, but he couldn't figure it out. All he knew was that he wanted more of them. Unfortunately, hugs were few and far between. And realizing the reason why he wanted hugs severely dampened his mood.





	Touch-Starved

**Author's Note:**

> I nearly cried so you guys better enjoy this.

Senior year. What a time to be alive. For Jeremy, those statements weren’t sarcastic, actually. He just finished the last night of his school’s rendition of Waitress, and he played an excellent Ogie. Out of the Squip Squad, though. Only he, Christine, and Michael took part in the play, but Michael just worked sound and lights.

 

“You guys did great!” Chloe waved at them. She just wore a Marilyn Monroe t-shirt along with skintight leggings. Brooke was next to her, her hair up in a bun. She wore a black crop top and ripped jeans.

 

“You both were adorable on stage. I keep forgetting you’re not dat-” Brooke started whistling and looking away.

 

“It’s fine, Brooke. We’ve both moved on from that a year ago,” Jeremy insisted. Christine just nodded along.

 

“You sure?” Brooke bit her lip. Jeremy nodded and Brooke pulled him into a tight squeeze. “Congratulations on the good show!”

 

Brooke was really soft. That was the best word Jeremy could think of. He knew that was a bit of a creepy description, but she really was. Jeremy hugged back and let go after a few seconds, suddenly desiring more hugs.

 

“I’ve never seen this before, but I could tell it was good.” Chloe pulled him into a more stilted hug. She wasn’t as soft, but she was warmer than Brooke.

 

About thirty minutes later and tons of talks with the audience (they only had nice things to say), Christine gave Jeremy a hug goodbye. He was used to Christine hugs. Christine threw her arms around people’s shoulders, but she would come in from the side so that she would look ready to perform a wrestling move on them. It was a bit awkward, but Jeremy was used to them. They weren’t as _special_ as getting an actual hug.

 

And God, how lame was he? He was a high school man who was about as touch-starved as a radioactive rat, sure, but getting random hugs from his friends shouldn’t be making him feel… things. Elation, slight nervousness, excitement, etc…

 

It was weird, Jeremy decided. He decided that he would need to go home and take a boiling hot shower to shake off the weird squeezes in his chest. Not feelings of love, but feelings of… home? Warmth? Jeremy wasn’t sure how to describe it. Chloe reminded him of a furnace while Brooke was more of a pillow.

 

He walked home and realized he kind of left Michael behind. He texted him a quick apology despite Michael not asking where he was yet. Jeremy still felt a little bad.

 

“Hey, dad,” Jeremy called out.

 

“Hey champ! How was the musical? Better? Good as always?” He walked into the room with sweatpants on.

 

“Good as always. I think last night was my best,” Jeremy decided.

 

“Well, I’m proud of you, kid. You really put yourself out there, and you have such good friends in play and out,” he ruffled his head. “I’m cooking steak tonight."

 

Jeremy beamed and went upstairs. He threw off his clothes and stepped into the shower. The cold bath made his skin crawl, and the shower made his body shudder, but it immediately made him feel like he was in a watery cocoon. At some point, Jeremy was hugging himself and he promptly stopped. He was really pushing the creepy loneliness thing, huh?

 

After that, he decided to turn off the water. He dried off and pulled on a pair of pajamas. He let his hair fall in front of his right eye and he halfheartedly pushed it back up. It fell again.

 

So, Jeremy spent his Monday night eating steak, doing the minuscule homework her got, and went to sleep.

 

Tuesday morning, though. Jake highfived Jeremy and pulled him into a hug.

 

“Dude, I missed you yesterday! So, here’s your payment for a radical performance,” Jake cheered. Jeremy appreciated the zeal, but was it necessary that early in the morning? God help him. Then, when Jeremy was put into the hug, he realized that Jake’s hug was… in his words, lit.

 

He had a broad chest, so that immediately put him as a contender for best hug. It was like laying your head down on a couch, maybe. Jeremy couldn’t really describe it, but it made him feel good. Like getting a hug after receiving an award. It was probably more of the meaning behind it than the actual hug, but it was whatever.

 

“Thanks, Jake.” Jeremy’s tone changed from dead tired to almost as enthusiastic. “See you in gym, ‘kay?”

 

“Yeah, ‘kay.” Jake nodded.

 

After getting slammed in the face with a dodgeball and promptly chucking it back at Rich, Jeremy rubbed his left eye. That shit burned.

 

“Hey, dude, I’m thorry,” Rich said.

 

“It’s fine, Rich. You weren’t trying to make me go blind,” Jeremy chuckled. Rich pulled him into a hug as an apology, and it felt weird. The tiny man was hugging his waist, so he functioned more as a leech than anything else. But, hey, you know what, hug’s a hug. Jeremy wasn’t complaining. It had its own charm to it, anyway. Like Rich was using him as a pillow.

 

“Well, alright. Later, Jeremy,” Rich waved him off. He shoved his hands in his pockets and hunched over a bit. Was he still feeling guilty? Nah, that wasn’t like Rich. If someone said they were fine, he wouldn’t think of the problem anymore.

 

At lunch, Jeremy paid Michael to get him a sandwich from Jersey Mike’s, too. His friend nodded, called him a furry as per usual, and went to his car.

 

“Hey, Jeremy. I think the overall performance of last night was the best,” Jenna murmured.

 

“Really? I thought my performance two nights ago was the best,” he replied.

 

“Nah. Last night, you were more confident. You hit that opera-thingy in Never Ever Getting Rid Of Me really well,” Jenna said.

 

“I thought I flubbed it. Huh. Thanks.”

 

“You’re welcome,” Jenna shook his hand. “Good job, by the way.”

 

Oh, right. Jenna didn’t do hugs. Or kisses. Or emotions. Ask Christine.

 

Jeremy got his cheesesteak sandwich and happily chomped into it. He went home, thought of the hugs again, and promptly berated himself for being so weird. He hadn’t hugged anyone a lot since his mom-

 

Oh.

 

Fuck.

 

Jeremy buried his face in his pillow and groaned dejectedly. Eventually, after telling himself not to cry, he started silently blubbering. Shit, it was one of those moments where you realized that your mom was actually gone. That she didn’t want you, that she was dead, or that she was simply out of reach. For Jeremy, it was the last and first thing.

 

It was before Sophomore year. His parents had that huge fight. Jeremy had known they were going to eventually get divorced. It showed when she wasn’t as excited to hug him after school anymore. It showed when she got fed up more easily with dad. And him, too. Jeremy found himself counting the days when they would just stop.

 

And, good God, they did. She wanted nothing to do with the two of them, but she had to pay a pretty big amount of child support. From what Jeremy knew, she was living the single life with her girl friends or something. He didn’t really care to keep up with her life.

 

Sometimes he wished he did. But at least he had an explanation as to why he wanted so many hugs. No, that was incorrect. It was at least an explanation as to why his desire of getting hugs flared up again. His mom’s arms were like home, and he once read that when a child’s upset, a mom’s single hug could function as an hour or so talk.

 

The tears were really flowing now. The grey glow of the afternoon rained down on Jeremy, and the clouds seemed to activate their tear ducts along with Jeremy.

 

As much as he said that he could move on, he still missed his mom, in the end.

 

A few hours of moping later, Jeremy passed out. He woke up at five in the morning, unable to get back to bed. He finished the homework he was supposed to do and let the sunrise wash over his slightly red face and crusty eyes. His headache pounded and Jeremy drank water and swallowed some Tylenol.

 

Jeremy wasn’t about to ask his dad for a hug. Not only would it be suspicious, it would be a bit weird for him, too. He wasn’t a big fan of physical contact, and Jeremy could respect his boundaries if he could respect his.

 

But Goddammit, he needed someone to hug him. Like, it was really pathetic, sure, but he just needed some fucking comfort.

 

A few hours later, Jeremy dragged himself to school. He was going through a mood where he didn’t want to inconvenience anyone in the slightest, so he told Michael that he would walk. Jeremy didn’t really talk to anyone which wasn’t much of a change until lunchtime. He put in his earphones and told anyone that asked that he was listening to the Mean Girls soundtrack. Jeremy’s favorite song was Sexy, but if anyone asked, it was I’d Rather Be Me or Stupid With Love. Maybe World Burn. They were all good.

 

Michael asked him at the end of lunch if he wanted to come over. Jeremy considered it, but he ultimately accepted. Maybe he would snap out of his stupid mood soon.

 

At some point, someone pushed Jeremy and he fucking slapped against the ground. He got up and told everyone he was fine when he was on the verge of tears and his entire body flared with pain. Eventually, it won out, and he went to the nurse where he laid down for most of Study Hall.

 

“Jeremy? You in here?” Michael peeked his head in.

 

“Hey.”

 

“What happened? Did someone Charlie Brown you?” Michael teased.

 

“I got pushed. I fell. It hurt,” Jeremy shrugged.

 

“You alright?” His voice was less mocking.

 

“I’m fine. Let’s just stop at Seven-Eleven, okay?”

 

“Definitely.”

 

Seven-Eleven, for some reason, sold Aleve. Jeremy wasn’t sure when that happened, but he sure as hell bought it along with a slushie and some pretzel m&ms. He also bought some Cool Ranch Doritos.

 

Gamer fuel AKA lifespan shorteners. Perfect.

 

“Dude, I really want to play the new Spiderman. Why is everyone so excited for Modern Warfare Two? Game’s old. This is new game. It reminds me of Batman Arkham Asylum!” Michael ranted on the way back to his house.

 

“I agree with you. Spiderman looks awesome. I don’t know why everyone is making fun of people for liking it. It looks good, and it’s not just for ten year olds,” Jeremy shrugged. He didn’t have a PS4 or Xbox, but Michael had the former.

 

“Thank you!” Michael slapped the wheel.

 

“Smack dat ass.”

 

“No, Jeremy.”

 

They ultimately decided to play Street Fighter. Michael kicked his ass for most of it until Jeremy suggested Smash Bros. There, Jeremy kicked his ass with almost every character except the DLC ones and Kirby. Kirby was Michael’s bitch.

 

“Want to play Castle Crashers next? We never finished Insane Mode,” Michael suggested.

 

Jeremy nodded. They spent the next few hours playing and kicking the campaign’s ass with their level 99 characters. When they won against the final boss, Michael hugged Jeremy out of impulse.

 

And Michael, obviously, had the best hugs out of everyone. He was warm, soft, and while the hug was just over a video game, it flared up a new feeling inside him.

 

The hug had love behind it. Oh, God, Jeremy had gay feelings for his best friend. _Oh no._

 

“Oh, shit. It’s late. Want to order a pizza?” Michael asked. Jeremy nodded. “Domino's? All bacon?” Jeremy nodded again.

 

“You order, I’ll pick it up.” Michael went upstairs. Jeremy stuttered through the conversation successfully. He stared at Michael’s hoodie on the ground and then at his pillow and decided that a few minutes of being creepy wouldn’t hurt anyone if he never told.

 

First, Jeremy put on Michael’s hoodie. It smelled faintly of weed and cinnamon. It fit him a bit loosely since Michael was a bit bigger and taller than he was, but it was fine. Jeremy then went over to Michael’s pillow and hugged it. It smelled more of Vanilla. It made Jeremy feel less lonely and just more creepy.

 

Michael should be gone for about fifteen minutes, so Jeremy would take it off around ten. He just stared at a wall as he wished for more hugs. God, it was such wimpy thinking. Suddenly, the hoodie felt constrictive. He threw it off and pushed Michael’s pillow off him.

 

“Fuck, I’m an idiot,” Jeremy muttered. Well, he always knew he was kind of stupid, but that was a new level of stupidity. Creepiness, too. He used that word a lot. Creepy. It made him think of Creepers from Minecraft.

 

“Uh, Jeremy?” Michael asked. He was standing on the stairs.

 

Alarm bells went off in his head. “Uh, yeah?” Jeremy had to calm down. Maybe he didn’t know!

 

“Are you alright? You were hugging my-” Nope, he knew. Jeremy was ready to bolt out of Michael’s house.

 

“Uh, yeah! I was just curious as to what putting on your hoodie felt like since you wore it all the time! Then, I saw your pillow and thought that maybe it smelled like weed! Like the hoodie!” Jeremy lied. Oh, God, that was an awful lie. He was better off booking it.

 

“Jeremy, that was a really shitty lie. Now, can you tell me what’s wrong?” Michael stared at him.

 

“Our pizza will be cold when you get there,” Jeremy told him.

 

“Jeremy. What the fuck is going on?” Michael stared him down.

 

“Just… please go get it? I’ll tell you after you come back, okay? I won’t leave.”

 

Michael sighed and went back upstairs. Jeremy spent the next twenty minutes downstairs, trying to think of a fake story. His thoughts were too frazzled to come up with anything that he was comfortable with. He was never comfortable with lying to Michael. Not only did he have these gay as fuck feelings for him, but he didn’t want to talk to him about missing his mom. Michael expressed just how much he hated Jeremy’s mom and how she didn’t deserve someone like Jeremy in her life. The point was that even as his best friend, he wouldn’t get it.

 

Surely enough, Michael came back with a pie in hand. He set down in front of Jeremy and looked him in the eyes. “Talk, dude.”

 

“Look, it’s really weird. You’re not gonna get it.”

 

“Try me.”

 

“It’s about my mom. Sort of.”

 

His eyes widened a bit, but he nodded along.

 

“Look, I don’t know how to explain this without sounding weird. But I think I’m…” Jeremy scoffed. “I just started thinking about hugs. I dunno, okay? I just wanted to hug something.”

 

Michael put two and two together in his mind. Jeremy could see it in his eyes. “Wha-What started this?”

 

“When Brooke and Chloe hugged me a few nights ago. Look, I don’t know, okay? I liked the feeling of something covering me, so I took your hoodie and hugged your pillow. And, also, enjoyed the hugs Rich and Jake gave me,” Jeremy rambled.

 

Michael took a bite out of the pizza. “You miss your mom hugging you?”

 

“Okay, yes. I miss my asshole mom hugging me. It’s really weird, thinking about it. Why should I miss her hugs when she left?”

 

“Hey, don’t say it like that. I know I say harsh things about your mom, but it’s normal to miss her. You shouldn’t feel weird about it,” Michael told him. “C’mere.”

 

“What?” Jeremy stared dumbly. Michael put down the pizza.

 

“Come here!” Michael opened his arms. “Jeremy, come here or I will come over and choke you to death."

 

Hesitantly, he crawled to Michael and put his arms around his neck. Michael wrapped his arms around his waist and rubbed his back.

 

Yeah, that was definitely love Jeremy was feeling. Michael had big arms, and he was easily to just melt into. Maybe it was due to them being best friends that Jeremy was just so comfortable. But then, Jeremy felt a bit cold. It didn’t prove Michael liked him back. He was being a good friend at the very least. Friends could give each other hugs. Besides, if Jeremy confessed his feelings and Michael recoiled, that would make Jeremy feel shittier. Like a reverse hug.

 

Eventually, Michael patted his back and Jeremy let go, albeit reluctantly. He went back to his seat, muttered a sad ‘thank you’, and ate his pizza. He didn’t realize how hungry he was until he started chewing, so he ate his half and sighed contently after the box was gone.

 

“Do you want to borrow my hoodie?” Michael asked.

 

“It’s your hoodie, Michael. I couldn’t ask that.”

 

“You wouldn’t keep it, obviously. I think that if you need something as your comfort object, then you should use it. I’ll live without it.” Michael handed it over.

 

“I can live without it, too. It’s your most valuable thing.”

 

“Which is how I’ll know you’ll take care of it.”

 

Jeremy spluttered and gave in. He took the hoodie, held it gingerly like it was glass, and put it on. Some of the smell disappeared. “Thanks.”

 

“Do you want to go home? I’ll drive you.”

 

“That’s okay.” Jeremy stood up.

 

Michael stood up, too and then grabbed his hand before he went upstairs. “Hey.”

 

“Yeah?” Jeremy turned back to him, a dull look in his eyes.

 

“You can tell me anything, okay? I know I make fun of you for everything, but if you’re seriously coming at me with emotions ‘n’ shit, I’ll listen,” Michael said. His eyes were trusting and warm. They were really pretty, too. His face was neutral, but concerned still creeped his way into his features.

 

“There is… something else, I guess,” Jeremy confessed. Shit, he was really doing this.

 

“Yeah?”

 

Oh, fuck. Word vomit. “When… everyone else hugged me, it was interesting. They were all varying degrees of good. When you hugged me, it was different. Better different. I wasn’t sure what to make of it. I can’t stop thinking about it despite the potential intentions being platonic. I know that I could be stretching your kindness a bit too far, but I realized that… fuck, I like you. It’s honestly weirder than my need for hugs, but I like you in a way that isn’t platonic. Tsst, I’m sorry.”

 

“Jeremy Heere, you have nothing to be sorry for. I like you, too. Despite your furry obsession, your weebness, and how you sometimes act like a little shit, I like you. You’re cute and funny,” Michael confessed.

 

“Wait, what? Was that a confession or a drag?” Jeremy shakily chuckled. Michael sat down and opened his arms. Jeremy took a few defensive steps back, got on the ground, and then crawled into Michael’s lap where he hugged him again.

 

It felt like home. It felt warm. It felt like love.

**Author's Note:**

> Guess who hasn't been hugged in at least a few months?!


End file.
